Dear Bear, My boss said something so stupid and sexist and actually really rapey the other day, again, and I called him on it right there in the meeting. He said, “I’m sorry if you were offended.” He seems to think that’s an apology and…

Dear Bear, Is “this just isn’t enough fun for me” a legit reason to leave somebody? My partner and I have been together a few years and this relationship stressor continues to come up. He likes TV and movies. While I enjoy a (literal) Netflix…

Dear Bear, I think my good friend (we can call her “Molly”) is in trouble and I’m not sure what to do or how to help her. Recently she has been drunk (I think, maybe on some other drugs but acting in a way that…

Dear Bear, For the past couple of years, I’ve been in an on/off relationship with an older man. He’s charming, sexy, funny, and clever. On a good day we have such a loving, meaningful connection; we’ve supported each other through hard times, and bonded over…

Dear Bear, I’m a butch approaching thirty who doesn’t drink and never really has. I’m now feeling conflicted about whether or not I should start. The reasons for my abstinence have been partly situational: I grew up in a family where very little alcohol was…

Dear Bear, I am in a relationship and I can’t tell if it is struggling or if I am self-sabotaging. There are two major factors: multiple stressful life events and my own lack of emotional depth and/or emotional self-awareness. I am not very self-aware in…

Dear Bear, I am pregnant! It’s so marvelous. I’m a femme-identified ciswoman and I’m married to a somewhat butchier ciswoman who is THE greatest human who has ever lived. She is so loving to the cats and so patient with me. And she’s so good…

Dear Bear, My partner and I are fretting over taking our 7-year-old to SF Pride. After Orlando and the person arrested with intent to harm LA Pride, it is hard to not feel that SF Pride is a target. Were it just a 20-something me,…

Dear Bear, I’m hoping you can help me figure out what to do. I am about to graduate from college. I really wasn’t sure what I wanted to do after school. I was pre-med and did well and got into a good med school, but…

Dear Bear, How in the world do I deal with my family’s disapproval surrounding me no longer having a relationship, through my own choice, with my terribly abusive dad? I am 23 years old. I have a mom and a younger sister. All three of…

Dear Bear, I have been seeing a man for about 7 months. I got out of a (5 year) long-term relationship about two months before I met this man. Many people view our relationship as a “rebound” relationship, and at first, I did too. But…

Dear Bear, I’ve been with this fellow for 2.5 years now. We both had been in long-term relationships prior to meeting (his was 11 years plus a kid, mine was five years plus a cross-country move). We adore each other, and have talked about moving…

Dear Bear, My fiancé and I recently got engaged after 4 years together. My fiancé has two sisters, let’s call them Suzie and Katie. Suzie is wonderful. I enjoy spending time with her, find her to be great company, and feel privileged to have her…

Dear Bear, I’m a PhD student, living with my dad and commuting to school about once a week. I was very lucky to get a scholarship that covers my tuition and living costs (so basically, it’s a job.) I’m really shy and have a congenital…

Dear Bear, Lately I have been wrestling over this question. I have been getting feedback from others: they say I am too easily and too often offended, and can’t take a joke. I do not agree with this assessment, but because I don’t want to…

Dear Bear, After a long string of unhealthy relationships, I suddenly find myself in something that feels deeply good with a woman who likes me as much as I like her. I also live with a lot of baggage. Persistent chronic mental illness, PTSD from…

Dear Bear, I’ve been with my partner for five years, and I want to spend many more together. We both hate capitalism. He grew up extremely poor and I grew up wealthy. I’m all about redistribution of wealth in all aspects of my life, and…

Dear Bear, Can I end relationships (platonic, romantic, sexual, all kinds) if the person treats me well personally, but holds political views that I believe are contrary to the goals of my activism? I hear a lot, “You should be friends with people who disagree…

Dear Bear: This may be a very silly question, but: how do I make peace being unattractive? A bit of context here: I’m a bisexual woman in my twenties. I’ve never been traditionally feminine, but nor am I butch in an interesting way. I am…

Dear Bear, I’m a good feminist. I know that at eight weeks of gestation a pregnancy does not yet mean a baby, and I absolutely would support a person’s right to choose abortion at that point (or at any point, really). But I was personally…